"Oh...don't worry, I'll call you." And with that I left andI knew I would never see her.It was 4 in the morning and fortunately I was almost sobered up. I droveback to our college town and took off my pretty clothes and wig and makeup. I put everything away in my locked foot locker and wished I could beBrooke all the time. She was pretty and fun and confident and sexy and Iwas ....me.That spring, as I was letting my leg and body hair grow back, Zackinformed me that he and his girlfriend were moving in together. Icongratulated him and then helped him move. I decided against trying tofind another roommate and I talked to our landlord. He had a one roomefficiency that was furnished and we agreed to let me move there.I didn't have a girlfriend and had no real prospects so I ended up keepingmy legs shaved all the time now. I even gave myself pedicures and my toeswere almost always polished a very bright red or pretty hot pink color.Even though it was summer, I wore jeans and I almost. I mean Ms Y, the kids, Becky and Ann, everybody inthe world. And sometimes that makes me feel weird too, because I knowthat my doing all this and doing it so much is weird!!!! Big Time Weird.And listen, Mars, I know I talked and talked about clothes and shopping alot for two real, real long letters now, and maybe you think I'm totallyweird but, Mars, but they feel good, and they are, and I've never gottento before, you know? It's like Kaezee said they are just real important.I mean there are so many things to wear now. And, Mars, it just feelsnice to now. Is that weird? It's not like I like to because it'ssomething dirty. I mean, I know some boys might, but it's just different.I can't say it well, is all. Is that OK? If our mother ever knew shewould kill me, I know. What would Michael think? Ms Y. is like it's OK,and so is Daddy, because he sees me in nighties and PJs, and I wore oneof you old camisole tops last night, and he didn't even notice, I think.So it is OK with lots of.
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